It’s like Tolstoy said. Happiness is an allegory, unhappiness is a story.
— Haruki Murakami, Kafka on the Shore

It's Happening Again

That feeling of perpetual dread. The endless churn of negativity and baseless assumption.

That feeling of your chest wanting to literally explode.

No matter how much pranayama you practice, that drum in your chest just beats harder and harder.

"Why are you like this?" you ask yourself, to which you have no verbal response as you stare back at yourself in the dirty mirror. 

"You like the pain. You will grow from this," is what your conscience says.

But subconsciously you know you won't. 

You start to think rationally and apply simple logic to your seemingly complex problems. 

Logically you shouldn't be this upset. Logically you should just divert your time and energy to other aspects of your life.

Logically you shouldn't care this much.

But you do, and everything you do seems to defy logic. 

Here you are again, stuck in between reality and a dream.

A dream that's quickly turning into a nightmare that keeps pulling you in.

And all you can say to yourself is, it's happening again.

Why We Want What We Can't Have