I’m at a weird point in my journey where I don’t know which direction to go in.
I feel like I’ve strayed away from the intended purpose of this site. Over the last year and a half I’ve lost my voice. I’ve lost some of the drive I had. It wasn’t a matter of my passions wavering, but rather I wore myself down. Doing the very things I thought was helping my anxiety was actually becoming a source of it. I put a lot of pressure on myself and instead of just powering through I caved in and walked away.
I came back once in a while with some blog posts, and a minor site redesign, but all of those things are at surface level. There are things I was not addressing deep down. Some of those things still have not been addressed, but isn’t that the case for most people?
We eventually just keep piling unfinished tasks on top of each other until eventually it topples.
That’s how I felt. That’s how I still feel some of the time.
Part of me wants to take Anxious Asian Man in a new direction. Like a full rebrand. The name in it of itself describes me, but I don’t want it to define me. I want a platform where I can express all of who I am, not just the anxious side, albeit that is who I am most of the time.
In lieu of updating Anxious Asian Man, the last 5-6 weeks I’ve been more focused on personal creative projects.
I photograph for a friend’s weekly stand up comedy show, which for me is an outlet to practice taking photos. Especially those in challenging lighting conditions. It also gives me an excuse to use Lightroom and practice using it more. I was also given an opportunity to photograph another comedy show, and I very much enjoy doing things like this. I get to see stand up comedy, and I get to practice photography.
Another project that I’ve been working on has been the Bedtime Stories I’ve been posting on my Instagram stories almost every night for the last 5 weeks. At it’s core, I just take videos I’ve taken on my phone and I overlay a one sentenced poem over it. Most of the time they aren’t even complete sentences. Nor are they grammatically correct. But it shows a side of me that I don’t often share.
Part of my self care routine is to jot down, in my notes, how I am feeling whenever I am feeling anxious. Sometimes it’s paragraphs long, but I’ve got a long list of one sentence summaries of how I feel. I use that as my source material.
While not large, I’ve been incredibly fortunate to have a very supportive community that has been so incredibly encouraging and willing to provide feedback. So thank you to all of you who support me.
I will continue to do these things, but the question remains. What direction will I go with Anxious Asian Man?
That is TBD at the moment. I’m going to ride this wave for as long as I can.
You can catch the latest Bedtime Stories on my personal Instagram: @adminchang (private account, but give me a follow. I generally follow back!)
I’ve also created a The Bedtime Stories Instagram page where I have the stories up as posts vs IG stories: @thebtstories
I hope you enjoy them as much as I enjoy making them.